Q: Mr. Federal Way, what do you think should be done with the space that was once Weyerhaueser? Can you offer a fun idea?

A: That’s a pretty fishy question. See what Mr. Federal Way did there? That’s right. Mr. Federal Way 1, words 0. If you ask Mr. Federal Way, there was just too much legal mumbo jumbo in that whole situation, but Mr. Federal Way got the gist. You can chalk this one up to a win for Federal Wayans. Mr. Federal Way prefers Wayanites — just sounds tougher, but whatever. I bet those Save Weyerhaeuser folks are rolling around like pigs in slop. To their credit, though, that band of rebels chose to fight; they followed through by showing up and voicing their dissent (thank you November “word of the day” calendar) for the fish joint, and it looks like the hard work paid off. Can we get to the real question though? What’s next for the beautiful land, business or fun? Wait — Mr. Federal Way always goes first — and he’s all about the fun. Mr. Federal Way would like to see Federal Way’s first Chick-fil-A. Don’t raise your blasphemous eyebrow at the suggestion, either. If the big city up north gets two, we deserve at least one. Those of you with eyebrows still cocked have obviously never had the deluxe sandwich or the spicy sandwich or anything on the breakfast menu for that matter. Now that we’re all in agreement what SHOULD go there, let’s all take a moment to breathe, imagine the smell of delicious chicken filling our nostrils, and let the Save Weyerhaeuser chums enjoy the win.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, it’s been pretty cold lately. Are you enjoying the cold temperatures and snow, or do you prefer the warmer temps?

A: What you don’t know is that Mr. Federal Way is writing this from Aruba right now, where it’s 87 degrees and sunny, and Mr. Federal Way has an alcoholic beverage firmly planted in his hand at this very moment. Okay, fine. Mr. Federal Way is here, at home where the temperature is barely above freezing, with a lukewarm beverage. Yes, Mr. Federal Way leads an extremely exciting life, but, as luck would have it, Mr. Federal Way is just fine with the cold. Mr. Federal Way wouldn’t live in the Pacific Northwest if cold were a no-go. Plus, with the humongous paycheck Alcott pays Mr. Federal Way for his priceless words, Mr. Federal Way couldn’t possibly go elsewhere. That just sent Mr. Federal Way into uncontrollable laughter. Alcott would make Mr. Federal Way work for free if he could. In fact, he’s tried … unsuccessfully. Anyway, Mr. Federal Way doesn’t mind the cold at all, just the terrible drivers who make it unbearable.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, eggnog or peppermint?

A: Disgusting … and none of your business.

Got a question for Mr. Federal Way? Email your questions, complaints and hate mail to mrfederalway@federalwaymirror.com.