Q: Mr. Federal Way I saw in last week’s paper that the school district is going to raise our taxes $9.6 million over the next two years. I’m guessing you might have an opinion on this?
A: You’re darn right I do. Mr. Federal Way couldn’t wait for someone to ask this question. First, a point of clarification. They are not really raising the taxes as in the form of another levy, they are simply collecting the entire amount that the original levy authorized. In essence, Mr. Taxpayer, you were getting “a break” the last couple of years as the school district didn’t need all of your money, just most of it. At the end of the day, though, your taxes will increase so it will certainly feel like a tax increase. Mr. Federal Way is more caught up in what these taxes are to be used for than the amount. They are to be used for additional teacher salaries. OK, things that make you go, hmmm. Wasn’t this what the entire McCleary issue and the Supreme Court fining the Legislative branch is for? Doesn’t the state Constitution call for primary funding of education? Teacher salaries should be a part of this and Mr. Federal Way wonders who intercepted the football containing all of the cash. It clearly didn’t make it into the Federal Way end zone. Perhaps it was thrown by Mr. Tom Brady and was light on cash anyhow. Federal Wayans you got caught holding the ball and it’s already deflated. Unfortunately the air needed to pump it back up comes with 9.6 million dollar signs.
Q: Mr. Federal Way why can’t the Democrats and Republicans get along? Why are they filing complaints against one another with the Public Disclosure Commission?
A: You have to love politics. This is a white collar version of the Hatfield’s and McCoy’s and our Middle East. They are just destined to fight. So let’s recap. Teri Hickel, a Republican, gets a key to the city from the mayor who is a closet Republican or is that a closet Democrat? Mr. Federal Way has no idea anymore what party the mayor belongs to. It’s likely whoever is winning. Anyhow, the dems get all kinds of upset over this as Miss Hickel is using the photo of this key to the city presentation by the mayor in all of her campaign materials. The dems claim this is misleading as the mayor endorsed her opponent, Carol Gregory, a Democrat. Since apparently the democratic voters are too brain dead to figure out the difference, the Democratic Party, being the self-appointed savior that they are, asked the Public Disclosure Commission to look into this and make Hickel quit using the photo. Mr. Federal Way can’t answer this question as he is doing a face-palm. This is kind of like Mr. Federal Way’s kids – Dad, he’s making fun of me. Is not. Is too. Wow, just wow. What’s worse here? That the Democrats actually filed this or that they think that lightly of their party voters that they will get confused as to whom they should vote for? Mr. Federal Way thinks if the latter is the case, that the state should revoke their voter’s license. This conversation would go like this. Hello, Mr. or Mrs. Democrat, this is the Department of Elections calling. We are requesting that you return to us your voter registration card as you are not bright enough to be in possession of this powerful tool and while you’re at it, why don’t you also return your high school diploma as that was given to you in error too. 2015 politics. The end of an error.
Q: Mr. Federal Way I am tired of the columnist Bob Roegner that you have writing for the paper. He is mean-spirited, not funny and one-sided. Can’t you fire him and replace him yourself? At least you’re semi-funny.
A: Gee thanks. Insult me and ask for my help all in one paragraph. Where did it all go so wrong? My career that is. Anyhow, be careful what you wish for. You think he is a pain, wait until you get an unadulterated, full view of Mr. Federal Way; not this sanitized version that makes it through an editor unwilling to let Mr. Federal Way tell it like it really is. You’ll wish for Roegner back. This is a bit over Mr. Federal Way’s low-income pay grade so off to that publisher’s office once again. We’ve talked in the past about the trepidation of going to see Mr. Publisher as he is not necessarily a fan, but Mr. Federal Way is here for you and must tackle the tough questions with the easy ones. See you in a bit. OK, nice, that was pleasant. After some – how did Spock say it? – colorful metaphors were laced this way, the gist was “uh, &^$*, no”. See, most of the problem is that Roegner is more right than he is wrong. The publisher can’t sort it all out in the allotted time he has on this earth so he lets Roegner interpret the language of politics. And, generally, he is dead on. This is a problem as it creates immediate enemies in the community of politics that just can’t have the truth exposed. These people raise their voices and Mr. Federal Way gets emails. Primarily from folks like you. So the real question is – what is your real name and what political position are you running for? Mr. Federal Way can likely figure it out based on Roegner’s last few columns.
Q: Mr. Federal Way what would be your campaign slogan if you ran for office?
A: Now this is a great question. Mr. Federal Way has always been known for his creative side. How about “I’m not a crook”. Oh wait, that wasn’t a campaign slogan. My bad. Try these. “Results with resolve,” “a fresh face, a fresh start,” “seeking something bigger,” “seasoned leader,” “service to our country, service to you,” “stop the growth?” Those all sound like slogans for a porn movie, but who can judge? The degree of separation between the two is very small.
Q: Mr. Federal Way are you running for office?
A: None of your business.
