Q: Mr. Federal Way, did you stay safe during last weekend’s nasty storms?

A: Mr. Federal Way did manage, somehow, to keep his person and property safe from Stormageddon ‘16, although Mr. Federal Way’s Winnebago did spring a small leak from a gap somewhere between the windshield and the interior. It was a couple of drops, which, in the tone of the weatherwitches who warned us of Stormageddon, means it was a devastating tidal disaster that shows the unquestioned fury of nature in all its destructive power. Please send aid. We will rebuild.

The Storm of the Century of the Month was, as you probably noticed, a big ol’ wet nothing. Mr. Federal Way is pretty sure our fair city got more rain action the following Thursday morning than it did during Stormageddon.

There could be a point in there about the unpredictability of Washington weather patters, but Mr. Federal Way did a bit more digging and found a point about Washington meteorologists hiding in there. Specifically, those folks must have the easiest jobs in the state: Whether they say “it looks like rain,” “cloudy with a bit of sunshine,” or “the sky itself will split apart and puke frogs and scratched Foreigner records onto the earth,” they have about the same percentage chance of being correct.

Another point Mr. Federal Way found while rooting around is that, at this point, it’s pretty amazing humanity as a whole hasn’t been wiped out entirely considering the countless disasters on the verge of striking each year. If it’s not Noah-levels of rain or earthquakes or hurricanes or scratched Foreigner records, it’s some disease you’ve never heard of and will never hear about again. Remember swine flu, West Nile, SARS, mad cow disease, bird flu, Ebola, foot-and-mouth disease, MERS, the Andromeda Strain, and hantavirus? Mr. Federal Way concedes they’re all pretty nasty bugs, but each one was announced like it was going to be the bubonic-er plague. And still, as a species, here we are. Somehow we soldier on.

Don’t let Mr. Federal Way’s skepticism stop you from injecting zika-fighting Vitamin C into your tear ducts or staying awake at night in fear of terrorists from Nowherestan emailing you some anthrax. Mr. Federal Way is certain that those ones will be the ones to put homo sapiens in with the dodo bird.

Q: There has been a lot of commentary about a college campus in what will always be the Weyerhaeuser building (now “The Green Line,” which sounds like a subway or city bus line). Since a community college or state university seems to be out of reach for the city powers or the developers, what is your opinion of pursuing a public technical college at The Green Line?

A: Mr. Federal Way is all about a technical college at The Greyereenhauserline – or anywhere else in our fair city, for that matter. Higher education opportunities are pretty much nil in the city proper, although Highline and Green River are close enough to handle the pre-reqs for anyone looking for another freakin’ bachelors in psychology.

Getting a college there seems pretty unlikely, however – you just don’t plop down $70 million on a building and then graciously change it into a college. And the notion of a college in general took a hit when its biggest Councilcritter supporter said this week that she’s opting to jump ship at the end of the year.

Mr. Federal Way will wait, as others should, for the seemingly mythical “College Needs Assessment” to get finished. In the meantime, as long as we’re having fun with unlikely uses for the space, Mr. Federal Way will fall back on his brilliant idea to turn the whole area into a stadium that can house the expansion Federal Way Supersonics.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, do you agree with all the Mirror’s endorsements?

A: None of your business.

Got something for Mr. Federal Way? Email your questions, complaints and hate mail to mrfederalway@federalwaymirror.com.