Q: Mr. Federal Way, word on the street is the Mirror has a new publisher. What should readers know about him or her?

A: Ahh, lucky you. A complete biography of the publisher is on page 1. Go back and read it if you must – although, you’re probably already familiar with the likes of Mr. Andy Hobbs. See, dedicated Mirror readers will know the man spent his life at the Mirror editor’s desk for more than seven years. No wonder he left.

Jokes, jokes, but Hobbs knows that. Hell, he practically molded Mr. Federal Way into the city’s beloved tell-it-like-it-is writer. Make sure to thank him for that during the routine “how do you dos” and “welcome backs” come May 1 when he takes his seat at the helm as publisher. For those of you who don’t know the difference between a publisher and editor, get a dictionary.

Sure, he’ll return as a number-crunching, budget-making overseer who’s forced to deal with managing office dynamics, among other things. But what makes a good publisher isn’t what’s on the inside, it’s what he does outside. If Hobbs knows what’s good for the paper, he won’t just be concerned with Excel documents, the internal gunk and whatever else a publisher’s job consists of. No, Hobbs should be out in the community he already knows so well. Like that other guy who used to work here, Mr. Federal Way believes Hobbs will form ties to Federal Way and relationships that will lead to trust (and money). But it’s up to him to make sure that happens. And Mr. Federal Way will gladly tell Hobbs when it’s time to go have lunch with the mayor when said politician steps out of line. But a good publisher will know that on his own. All in all, Mr. Federal Way believes it’s Hobbs’ already-established connections that will make for a smooth transition into the community (retaining a certain columnist will also help). If he doesn’t do any of that stuff, well, ya’ll know who will have something to say about it.

Welcome aboard, Capt. Hobbs. Your ship awaits thee.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, I was tickled pink to see mayor candidate Clifford Mark Greene at the council meeting last night. He absolutely does not disappoint. What are your thoughts of his return to candidacy?

A: Mr. C. Mark Greene, C. M. Greene and Clifford M. Greene (he has many variations) has returned for a chance at the mayor’s seat, and it gives Mr. Federal Way as much delight as an ice cream cone on a hot summer’s day. Scratch that, as much delight as watching Mayor Jim Ferrell yell across a room to Greene at a Mirror political debate. Greene was so wonderfully awkward during the council meeting Tuesday. His “speech” focused on the city’s relationship with the Greater Federal Way Chamber of Commerce and how its “heavy involvement” is out of proportion. He went on to say the chamber is the “personification of an unelected globalism” that has replaced America’s dynamic manufacturing economy with a service economy. He also blames the chamber for low wages and thinks the city shouldn’t be playing “footsie” with them or have State of the City addresses at their luncheons. Oh, Greene’s also sad the city didn’t select the $62,000 logo, err, Mr. Federal Way means patriotic logo.

You can’t make this stuff up.

Listen, Mr. Federal Way has said it before, and he’ll say it again: Greene is an oddball, but boy does he make for good politics. Now, who wants to bet something weird doesn’t happen during the August primary political debates? Anyone?

Q: Mr. Federal Way, are you planning on volunteering this Earth Day?

A: None of your business.

Have a question for Mr. Federal Way? Email mrfederalway@federalwaymirror.com. Staff produced.