The red-hot conundrum of Roe vs. Wade.

Neither side is likely to take prisoners.

To me, it boils down to: Who owns a woman’s body?

Obviously, because of the enormous fuss raised against the Roe vs. Wade decision, there is a sizable number of Americans who do not believe that a woman can claim ownership over her own body.

To many of them, a woman is a walking womb with arms and legs and a head — none of this crowd has any consideration that a woman might have a brain, might be a human being with plans for her life, educational goals, career goals, the things that a young man might make plans for.

Women are wombs. They shouldn’t know anything at all about sex. They shouldn’t know anything at all about family planning. Perpetually barefoot and pregnant — and in the kitchen to boot — is what women should be.

But this is America. And in our Declaration of Independence is written:

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

“Well!” says the “women are wombs” crowd. I don’t see the word “woman” mentioned there.

Life for a woman? What does that mean?

Life being perpetually pregnant, barefoot and constantly in the kitchen, that’s what life for a woman is. And don’t argue about it!

Liberty for a woman? And, here the “women are wombs” crowd hits the roof! “Women’s liberation! Women’s liberation!” they scream and jump up and down.

And, they remember Pat Robertson saying that those Women’s Liberationists were the ones who bombed the World Trade Center and the Pentagon on Sept. 11, 2001. Or, the next to doing those acts.

The pursuit of happiness for women? Women were put here by God to make men happy in their pursuits — and don’t argue about it! Women should be totally happy being perpetually pregnant, barefoot and cooking something up in the kitchen that will make a man happy.

And these folks are working feverishly to restore the old order of things, where women knew their place and kept their mouths shut and didn’t argue — and if they did argue, a man could beat his wife with a stick as thick as his thumb.

Those were the good old days.

Times are sad for these folks. Even Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, who makes the faux argument that he is a “strict constructionist” when it comes to the U.S. Constitution, will have to admit — after he’s been waterboarded several times — that women are included in the generic “all men are created equal” part.

And, it’s time to resurrect that old feminist slogan from the 1960s of the past century:

My body belongs to me. Deal with it.

This column ran in a past edition of The Mirror.

Federal Way resident Karen Backman can be reached at madmaker13@msn.com.