Q: Mr. Federal Way, were you at the mayoral candidate forum that the Mirror hosted July 12? If so, what were your thoughts?

A: Listen folks, Mr. Federal Way feels that we have established a tremendously kindred relationship over the years. As such, Mr. Federal Way feels he can be entirely honest with you, the faithful reader. So here it goes: Thanks to the Mirror, Mr. Federal Way knew well in advance when the candidate forum was happening. Knowing in advance what Mr. Federal Way would be in store for, Mr. Federal Way went online and purchased tickets for the MLB All-Star Game in Miami. For you non-sports fans — A. Shame on you. B. The All-Star Game was the evening before the Mirror’s forum. Mr. Federal Way wanted no part of this. He knew this would be more of a mess than a Sunday stroll with Amtrak. However, after three straight days of threats from Mrs. Federal Way, threats that included those vile garden vegetables, Mr. Federal Way handed his All-Star Game trip to the grandkids [she will never, ever hear the end of it]. Although, after the gem the candidate forum produced, Mr. Federal Way is glad he chose the forum over sunny South Beach.

Thanks to the candidate forum, Mr. Federal Way discovered his new name for his upcoming hip-hop album: “Pope of the PAEC.” Jimmy Ferrell will want to fight Mr. Federal Way for the naming rights, but Mr. Federal Way is game.

Also, it looks like Mirror publisher Andy Hobbs owes Mr. Federal a crisp, freshly printed Alexander Hamilton after Mr. Federal Way correctly predicted that Councilwoman Susan Honda would, in fact, separate the mayor and Mark Greene in the seating arrangements. If you skipped the forum and feel like you’re missing out, go to the Mirror’s Facebook page and watch the live-streamed video.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, it seems like you’ve been in the city forever. Do you feel like it has broadened in terms of the culture and diversity here?

A: Claro que si! Sorry, it would appear Mr. Federal Way is still on his Miami kick. That means “of course” in Spanish. This one is a no-brainer. Of course this city has grown in recent years. Mr. Federal Way is right there with letter writer Walter Kostecka when he says that when and he and his wife moved to town, the population was 80 percent white. That’s how it was when Mr. and Mrs. Federal Way came to town. Actually, when we moved into the territory with the other cave men and women in our group, it was much different. But now, in 2017, Federal Way is a thriving melting pot. And not just in people, but in the city’s food options around town as well.

Furthermore, this city is more fantastic because its leadership positions support Walter’s theory.

We have diversity within our city government, law enforcement and the school district. It is literally everywhere you look.

For all the bad that goes on around here, with all of the diverse folks in and around town, filling up the parks and coming together, Federal Way sure does have the potential for a lot of good.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, based on the candidate forum, who do you think won?

A: None of your business.

This column is staff produced. Got a question for Mr. Federal Way? Email mrfederalway@federalwaymirror.com.