Q: Mr. Federal Way, I was shocked to learn there are so many homeless students in Federal Way. I could tell panhandling was getting worse on South 320th Street, but this is ridiculous. How should the city fix this?

A: It’s one thing for that one guy to do a little too much acid back in the 1970s only to wake up on a park bench in the middle of 2017 and realize he missed a few key years. But it’s a totally different issue when children are affected by whatever hippie decisions their parents made and are having to live the “free life” alongside their worthless parents. Look, Mr. Federal Way understands there are about 1,000 different reasons why children, pre-teens and teenagers are homeless in this city, but one thing is certain: People under 18 are not responsible for their living conditions. Parents, family members and, ultimately, the government is, so figure it out.

Federal Wayans should be outraged this is a thing. So, where are the letters to the editor? Where are the investment gurus looking to make a difference? Where is the call for change? Oh, right, people are only up in arms when they inaccurately hear about fake children living in a sewer. Sure, that story was false (thank you, KIRO, for not checking your sources. You made the Mirror look great), but Mr. Federal Way can bet you $100 that some kids are living in other poor conditions. Why wasn’t there an emergency council meeting about that?

Q: Mr. Federal Way, I heard former city of Federal Way Chief of Staff Brian Wilson took a job in Burien. How did he manage that?

A: According to the B-Town Blog, yes a blog, the Burien City Council voted 4-1 May 15 to hire Mr. Federal Way’s BFF as the city’s next city manager. Mr. Federal Way could have sworn Wilson would use his November 2016 resignation as an early retirement, but, then again, Mr. Federal Way wasn’t sure if that would affect his ability to double dip. Maybe he needed this job to seal the deal? We’ll never know. Getting back to that vote, Mr. Blogger wrote that two council members abstained but didn’t explain their reasoning nor why one council member voted against him. He did write that Wilson balanced a budget once and that he had a law enforcement background, but, sadly, he missed a golden opportunity to remind everyone about the forgery allegation against Wilson or, again, the double-dipping scandal. Wonder why. What’s most telling, actually, are the comments in the blog post. It appears Wilson got the job because the city was attracted to his time on the police force. Burien has a crime problem, go figure.

Here’s an extra special comment from a resident of Burien’s Seahurst neighborhood: “I hope he can convince the council to repeal the sanctuary city ordinance, so police can assist in deporting the MS-13 gang members out of town and restore the peacefulness.”

So there you have it folks. The city’s former chief of staff hopped, skipped and jumped into a city 16 miles north of Federal Way. Lucky for him, there are no newspapers there.

Q: If you had a sandwich named after you, what would be in it?

A: None of your business.

Got a question for Mr. Federal Way? Email mrfederalway@federalwaymirror.com. Staff produced.