• Aries (March 21-April 19): Channel your passion for Federal Way into ideas worth exploring. One suggestion is a food truck festival. Look to cities with successful food truck scenes, such as Tampa, Fla., and Washington, D.C. Trust your intuition about the potential for tourism. Visitors love festivals that offer an affordable and colorful food experience. Give people a reason to visit Federal Way in the first place.
• Taurus (April 20-May 20): Your charisma as a candidate is charming and seductive. For more votes, wave your campaign signs in downtown Federal Way. For more honks from passing drivers, wave the signs while wearing your birthday suit.
• Gemini (May 21-June 21): With the messy state of your finances, “frugal innovation” is the mantra du jour. Skip the Halloween candy and impress trick-or-treaters with all those packets of soy sauce, ketchup and iodized salt you saved from takeout meals. If you have extra food, feed a local family who needs it more.
• Cancer (June 22-July 22): You usually keep your hands to yourself, although the computer mouse in your hand might disagree. It will have the last laugh when a SWAT team knocks down your door in the next few seconds.
• Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): To connect with residents one on one, try doorbelling in neighborhoods across Federal Way. Keep your sales pitch short and sweet to maximize the number of neighbors you meet. As for that salivating grizzly bear tagging along, he will wait until you’re done doorbelling before he eats you.
• Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Your emotional and social energies are in sync, just in time to start an Occupy Federal Way camp outside City Hall. The camp’s size will peak just before next week’s council meeting. Both protestors will give a 3-minute public comment, then go home.
• Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23): Celebrate your birthday with the ones you love. Let friends and family buy dinner at your favorite restaurant in Federal Way, where the waiters will clap and sing in unison as you stand on a stool, wearing a sombrero.
• Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21): Follow your instinct on the moral obligation of honoring military veterans who make the ultimate sacrifice. Get behind a future memorial for veterans in Federal Way. Expect a breakthrough in community pride for those who rally around it.
• Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): The gods will play games with your head and confirm a belief in supernatural predators. This will reach a peak on Halloween. Let the spirits guide you to a grant that will turn a monetary investment into an emotional investment for Federal Way.
• Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Knowledge awaits in Federal Way’s intellectual Garden of Eden, known as a public library. Rejoice in the freedom to research anything, including porn.
• Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Someone will steal more of your campaign signs, especially if you’re a first-time candidate whose signs are in the wrong spots. Hug that special someone who gave you good campaign advice. Pat yourself on the back if you ignored bad campaign advice.
• Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): Let your ideas soar as if there is no ceiling. Avoid stooping to safer heights, where most people prefer to fly. Be the self-contained soul who is willing to create, innovate and stand in front. Let the naysayers catch up once the masses catch on.
