Q: Mr. Federal Way, there has been many occasions when I am shopping around Federal Way and noticed people who have brought in their dogs while they are shopping.

One day in particular I was entering the Target store on 320th Street and this guy was placing his Chihuahua inside his cart. Other times someone will be holding their dog under their arm, or have it shoved inside their jackets and or sweaters.

Most of the time the dogs are not wearing special tags or garments that we can easily identify them as service animals. I have heard that there isn’t much regulation regarding this but I feel it’s pretty gross.

Animals are unsanitary; contamination from dog drool, urine, feces and other material that dogs carry on their coats and paws might be left behind on store shelves, carts, clothing items, counters, etc. Mr. Federal Way, do you think people should be allowed to let their dogs inside stores even if they don’t have a license or permit to do so?

A: Thank you for bringing up such an important issue as the unsanitary contamination of public places from drool, urine, feces, etc. being carried into stores and left behind on carts, shelves, counters and such.

I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that the Target-shopping-Chihuahua had better groomed feet than Mr. Federal Way, and if its owner couldn’t bear the thought of leaving his little dog home alone for an hour or two while he stocked up on toilet paper, fruit snacks and household essentials it is probably a fairly clean canine.

Mr. Federal Way is willing to bet his next paycheck (although it’s not much of a wager) that dog’s fur probably didn’t have a speck of drool, feces, urine or anything yucky on it.

The toddler in the cart behind me at Safeway last week, however, is a different story. The remains of the free cookie from the bakery were smeared on his pudgy cheeks with long ropes of drool strung from his toothless grin down to the cart and his arms.

On his sausage-like fingers (that were gripping the handle of the cart that would be driven by 17 other shoppers in the next few hours) was the evidence that it had been a chocolate chip cookie.

At least, Mr. Federal Way convinced himself it was chocolate, considering the alternatives.

Without a professional grade microscope on hand, Mr. Federal Way is not willing to bet his next after next paycheck, (Mr. Federal Way is trying to cut down on gambling anyway) but it’s safe to say there were plenty of other unsavory items left by other shoppers and kids on that cart.

Possibly pink eye, a booger, strep, pesticides left from the non-organic vegetables purchased by the last shopper and maybe even an E-coli or two could have been hitching a ride on that handle.

And you’re worried about that pesky little lap dog in someone’s sweater or purse?

But, Mr. Federal Way likes your idea of requiring a permit or license to enter a store if you could potentially carry germs or might mess up stuff.

Maybe the city could look to this as a revenue-generating idea to pay for the Performing Arts and Conference Center?

Q: Mr. Federal Way, I look forward to reading The Mirror on Saturday mornings. Even though it is in a plastic bag, when it rains my paper gets soaked! Why can’t I get a dry paper?

A: We are so glad to hear you enjoy reading our paper; Mr. Federal Way thinks it’s pretty top notch too, as does the Washington Newspaper Publishers Association that gives my co-workers awards each year.

Mr. Federal Way also received his first award from the association this year. Not sure why Mr. Federal Way hasn’t been nominated for more. Hmmm …

Assuming you have been a resident of the Pacific Northwest longer than a few winter (October-June) months, I’m sure you realize that it rains here. A lot. Which is also why Western Washingtonians begin donning shorts and flip flops when the temperature reaches 50 degrees on a random February day.

Mr. Federal Way has some tips to try and resolve your wet-weekly-paper-problem.

First, the shorter the amount of time your newspaper is exposed to the elements, the less rainwater it can absorb. The delivery window is Friday between 2 and 6 p.m.

If you are waiting until Saturday morning to fetch your periodical from your driveway, you will probably find a 10 pound brick of newsprint. If you are planning a paper mache project, this is fine.

If you are looking to enjoy the police blotter with your morning coffee, this situation is not as favorable. The free plastic bag encasing your newspaper is not watertight by any means.

The hole that allows the paper to enter the bag, also allows rainwater through. I suggest keeping a close eye on your street on Friday afternoon. When you see the 10-15 year old car creeping through your neighborhood at a snail’s pace, tossing objects out the window, run out and greet your underpaid carrier with a smile and hustle your paper inside your house.

If the car creeping through your neighborhood is not throwing stuff out the window, they are probably planning a burglary or an act of vandalism. Mr. Federal Way recommends you get the license plate number and report it, or you will likely be featured in the upcoming police blotter.

The other common problem leading to moist Mirrors, is punctured bags. When a person drives over the top of the free plastic bag holding the free newspaper, it is often perforated by the gravel, concrete or material underneath.

This lets even more moisture in. Mr. Federal Way suggests driving around it, stopping to pick it up, or better yet, having your kid gather it up.

In the event you are unable to save your copy from the weather, you can also read our newspaper online in a digital form at www.federalwaymirror.com by clicking on the link that says “Green Editions.”

If you are like Mr. Federal Way and enjoy the smell and feel of inky newsprint between your fingers, this just won’t suffice. In that case, I suggest dropping by our office to pick up a dry print edition.

You will be greeted by a very charming young lady at the front desk, who is happy to distribute a single dry copy to any polite person wishing to read the Mirror. There is no need to bring in your wet paper and dump it on the counter as evidence, nor is it necessary to leave it for our circulation manager to see. He has been in the newspaper delivery business for over 28 years, oversees delivery of nearly 30,000 Federal Way Mirrors every Friday and is very familiar with the appearance, smell and feel of wet newspapers.

For best results, I suggest making your request without profanity, raised voice or name calling.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, have you filed your tax return yet?

A: None of your business.

Got a question for Mr. Federal Way? Email mrfederalway@federalwaymirror.com