Q: Mr. Federal Way, did you see that the city has a task force looking into airplane noise? What do you think about that?
A: The news of this task force has Mr. Federal Way already working on his newest project: lots of forecasting and calculations — complicated stuff. Mr. Federal Way has started figuring out what the next Census report is going to say about Federal Way. Currently, Mr. Federal Way is betting the city’s median age has to be in the ballpark of 85 because a task force for airplane noise is simply ridiculous. Instead of a gang task force or neighborhood watch task force, we’re going with aircraft noise? Mr. Federal Way is sorry, but if the latest report of “260 more planes” flying over the city is what is currently grinding one’s gears, there are greater problems within than airplane racket. Mr. Federal Way suggests a physical activity of some sort — far more beneficial for the body and mind than this. But since we’ve become an older “get-off-my-lawn” community now, Mr. Federal Way is not surprised. Ms. Dawson’s story in the Mirror said, “Federal Way Mayor Jim Ferrell has charged the city’s task force with delivering a report that focuses on short-term, intermediate and long-term recommendations for mitigating aircraft noise.” Here’s an idea: Find a hobby.
Q: Mr. Federal Way, what did you think of the Editorial Board’s “Cheers and Jeers” editorial? I thought it was spot-on.
A: Mr. Federal Way found it both confusing and amusing, honestly. Correct Mr. Federal Way if he’s wrong, but did the board jeer both a homeless problem and an apartment problem? Does it not realize that, technically, the two go hand in hand? To alleviate homelessness, one needs to produce affordable housing, which usually comes in the form of apartment housing. The question proves Mr. Federal’s theory in the answer above. The apartment blurb talks about the city in 1990 —1990! This is 2017, and, more importantly, the 21st century. Just because the city was an old-fashioned bedroom community in 1990, it has a duty to its citizens to keep up with the times. If the city wants to “end the homelessness crisis,” people need somewhere to go — like affordable housing. The editorial wasn’t all bad and misguided, though. Centerstage Theatre deserved all the praise in the world. All the work those folks do is tremendous. Aside from the gangs, murder and fires, Federal Way is a shining star in the arts community. Our ability to offer art and entertainment makes us second to none. As the board said, and the one thing it got right: What does art do that crime, homelessness and apartments can’t do? “Bring people together and enrich life in Federal Way.”
Q: Mr. Federal Way, I swear I saw you at the opening of the farmer’s market. There was a man with a hat similar to yours in your cartoon photo. Was that you?
A: None of your business.
Got a question for Mr. Federal Way? Email mrfederalway@federalwaymirror.com. Staff produced.
