Many people in my generation grew up admiring Bruce Jenner as an accomplished and medal-winning Olympian. Understandably, some folks in this demographic are having a tough time embracing Caitlyn.

Some of these folks have kids or grandkids or students or youth they work with who might be asking questions about this situation, since it’s all over the news, internet, grocery store magazine covers and television. And some of these wonderful people may have no idea what to say about Caitlyn Jenner when the topic is raised. So. Here’s your “Federal Way Sex Lady’s Guide to Discussing Caitlyn Jenner.”

1. She’s a she. Use female pronouns when discussing Caitlyn. Her brain and her identity are female.

2. Most people have body parts, brains and identities that match up. That is to say, most people who have male body parts understand themselves to be guys. Most people who have female body parts understand themselves to be women.  Occasionally, the body parts and deep inner understanding of gender don’t match up. That’s what happened to Caitlyn.

3. One word for people like Caitlyn is “transgender” or “trans.” Other people use other words. Language is personal and cultural and it changes. If you want to know how someone identifies, ask them.

4. People who are transgender sometimes will not do anything to change their appearance. Some people will dress like a gender other than the one they were assigned at birth. Some will take medication, like hormones, to make changes in how they look and feel. Some will have surgery. Some will not. Whatever this person does or doesn’t do is not about you. It’s about them.

5. You might not understand, but that doesn’t mean you get to be hateful or mean or rude. Be kind. Treat people with respect. Period.

I think the most useful thing I’ve heard in reference to people’s reactions to Caitlyn Jenner is from Sam Lamott, who (in response to his mom, author Anne Lamott’s unintentionally insensitive comments) tweeted, “… Remember that before you knew about trans issues, you didn’t know.”

Want to know more? Check out these resources:

Gender Diversity: Puget Sound area organization that works to increase awareness and understanding of gender variations in children, adolescents and adults. Provides a conference every year in Seattle for professionals, individuals and families called Gender Odyssey. Visit www.genderdiversity.org

Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity 101: Information about language, terms and meanings. Published by the Unitarian Universalist Association. Visit www.uua.org/lgbtq/identity

Gender Spectrum: Another organization that provides information, training and online support communities for people and parents regarding gender expansiveness. Visit www.genderspectrum.org

Transgender Child Support Groups: Find one here: Click on WA State to find resources. Visit www.transgenderchild.net/resources/support-groups/

Rainbow Rumpus: An online magazine for children who have lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender parents. Visit www.rainbowrumpus.org.

Federal Way resident Amy Johnson, MSW, is a trainer, educator and coach in the Pacific Northwest. She is co-author of the books “Parenting by Strengths: A Parent’s Guide for Challenging Situations” and “Homegrown Faith and Justice.” Amy facilitates classes and workshops in the Puget Sound area and online. She specializes in working with parents and in sexuality education. Amy can be reached at comments@diligentjoy.com.