I believe the year was 1994. I was serving a ministry internship at a parish in Tacoma’s Hilltop district.

We were in a staff meeting with the pastor and all the various ministry lay leaders. We were discussing the upcoming Mother’s Day mass and how to offer the blessing of mothers. One of the lay ministers suggested that this practice of singling out mothers for a blessing might be exclusive to those who had never given birth, and that we should explicitly state the blessing as one for “mothers and those who are in a mothering role.” Another minister said that this might be a sad day for women who suffered from infertility and that maybe the blessing should be for “mothers and those who are in mothering roles or who wish to be mothers.”

Then the subject came up that we have too narrowly defined the meaning of motherhood, and what we are really talking about, after all, is nurturing — so maybe it should be a “blessing for all nurturers, be they male or female.”

By now, you will not be shocked to learn that this was a parish who proudly rewrote Our Lord’s Prayer (since Jesus was clearly misinformed and unenlightened about our divine patronage) by opening the prayer with “Our Mother and Father, who art in heaven.” Completely serious. No, I didn’t laugh, and I wasn’t offended because at that point in my religious experience, I was trying so hard to learn and listen to my mentors, I just assumed that I was ignorant and unsophisticated.

This experience is a bookmark in my memory because it demonstrates so well the confusion and chaos our modern world lives with. We have so detached ourselves from the raw, natural, self-evident truth of the miracle of motherhood, and for what purpose? Perhaps, so we can pretend that there really is nothing special about the traditional family, nor its gift as the best possible environment for children? I know, nothing is ideal and there are countless stories of traditional families that are truly awful. So let’s just lower the standard to fit the practice? Shall we just throw it all out and see what happens?

I think what is really at the heart of the angst is a modern resentment toward our physical limitations as embodied human beings. Our physical world creates limitations for us. In case you haven’t read the story of Adam and Eve, we are a prideful species. We don’t much like being told which fruit we can touch and which to stay away from. We always think we know better than God.

Our physical realities as male and female create limitations as well. Being a mother and wife crowds out my available time to be other things in the world — things that offer a lot more ego satisfaction. Being a mother means that I have to find space in my heart to love someone else more than my very self. That’s some serious sacrifice. Thus far, only God has demonstrated that kind of love.

I also think there is resentment from some baby boomer women who had traditional marriages and felt unappreciated for their self-sacrifice as mothers. I wonder how many men feel unappreciated for their hard work and physical labor. It quickly becomes a game of “I give more than you do, it’s not fair.” But this is a losing game and one that is unique to privileged and wealthy cultures. It’s the prerogative of those who have lived with too many ready-made meals. If we were busy laboring for every meal on the farm, engaged in the business of survival, who would have time to complain about being underappreciated?

Perhaps we should look to the children for evidence of a job well done. Ask any toddler where they would prefer to spend their day and you are sure to get the answer “with Mommy!” Maybe we are the ones who don’t appreciate the children and their innate desire to be with us. We seek attention from the world to feel good about ourselves, while our children look up to us as the very meaning of their world. Why are we so quick to dismiss that love and attachment? Surely, it must be the most precious gift in the world.

Happy Mother’s Day to all those women who call themselves “mother” first, before mentioning their many other names, such as lawyer, homemaker, doctor, teacher, soldier, etc. Enjoy the day. Embrace the gift of life. Don’t let anybody tell you there’s anything more important — though a dad in the picture certainly comes close.