Here are some tips for parents of children at different ages to handle those sexuality teachable moments that may be on their way as kids head back to school.

• Preschool: Children this age often are curious about the other gender. Curiosity and exploration are normal at this age. If you become aware your child is involved in “playing doctor” with another child of similar age, do validate their curiosity about bodies, their parts, functions and differences among genders (If there is more than a year’s age difference between the children, or if either child felt uncomfortable in the activity, talk to the adult in charge about supervision and boundaries). Then take time to review privacy rules. Many parents use the bathing suit as a helper: Anything your bathing suit covers is private. Make sure you also address times when it would be appropriate for another to see or touch these areas; i.e. helping to get clean during bath time or an examination at the pediatrician’s office. Stress that you want them to tell you about any time they feel uncomfortable with any kind of touch.

• Elementary school age: During the years in elementary school, children often hear things from peers that are myths or partial truths. Keep lines of communication open and have books available that contain accurate and factual information (see below for suggestions), especially around puberty. Monitor their television, computer and Internet use for appropriate content. Be sure other parents know your rules when your child is visiting (no R-rated movies, no unmonitored Internet use, etc.). Keep televisions and computers out of your child’s bedroom.

• Teens: Some teens will come to you with their questions, while others will rely on peer information, no matter how inaccurate or harmful it is. Be aware of any sexuality education being taught in school (often in health or biology class), so you know what is being taught when. This can provide you with conversation openers and the chance to let your teen know he or she can come to you with any question or concern.

In addition, you may want to seek out additional sexuality education being offered through community agencies or in your faith community. Again, treat these as supplemental information, and keep the lines of communication open.

Continue to monitor your teen’s media use and his/her activities. Remember that teens who report monitoring by their parents are less likely to become sexually active or involved with drugs, and have higher grade point averages. Monitoring means knowing where your child is, with whom she/he is hanging out, when she/he will return, how she/he will get there and back, and what she/he will be doing.

• College students: Make sure they’ve had education about date/acquaintance rape, as well as the effects that drugs and alcohol can have on decision making. Parents sometimes feel that by talking about these issues, they are giving unspoken permission for their child to participate. Try saying something like this: “These are the rules we have about drugs, alcohol and sexual activity. This is what we believe is best for you and what we want for you. We are also aware that you are a young adult and are making your own decisions. Some of these decisions may be different from what we want for you. If you make a decision that differs from this, be careful and be wise.” Decide how much detail you want to go into about being careful and wise, and if you want to offer resources to them (see below). With these tips and resources, you can be confident about handling these situations throughout the years.

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Resources

Preview any materials before sharing with your child.

Books

• Preschool: “Loving Touches” by Lori Freeman

• Younger school-aged: “It’s Not the Stork” by Robie Harris, and “It’s So Amazing” by Robie Harris

• Older school-aged/puberty: “It’s Perfectly Normal” by Robie Harris; “The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls” by Valorie Schaefer; “What’s Happening to Me? Boys’ Edition” by Alex Firth

• Teens: “American Medical Association Girls’ Guide to Becoming a Teen” by AMA and Kate Gruenwald; “American Medical Association Boys’ Guide to Becoming a Teen” by AMA and Kate Gruenwald Pfeifer; “Changing Bodies, Changing Lives” by Ruth Bell

Web sites

• Older school-age and up: Genital development. Shows, with drawings, how genitals are formed and differentiated by gender in utero.

• Puberty issues: kidshealth.org/kid/grow/body_stuff/puberty.html

For ages 13 and up

• Puberty 101: Contains information about breast and penis development, as well as STIs, drug use, pregnancy, and mental health. www.puberty101.com

• Another Puberty site for teens: kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/changing_body/puberty.html

College age and adults for most up to date information

• Maintained by university students who have taken advanced studies in sexuality. Current information about STIs, pregnancy, relationships, sexual orientation, violence, cyberspace predators, and more. www.soc.ucsb.edu/sexinfo