‘Sexting’ and your teen: Know the consequences | Sex in the Suburbs

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A recent study by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy and CosmoGirl.com showed that 20 percent of teens have engaged in sending or posting nude, semi-nude photos or videos of themselves — a practice known as sexting.

The percentage jumps to 33 percent for young adults ages 20-26 (http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/sextech/PDF/SexTech_Summary.pdf). Clearly, the times they are a-changing.

Under many laws currently on the books, sexting is encompassed under child pornography statutes. Prosecutors may not have a lot of choice in how they proceed if a young person is caught. Not only that, but if youth are convicted, they could end up labeled as sex offenders and be required to register.

As this issue progresses socially and legally, there are several things parents can do.

First, raise the issue. Sexting is so prevalent that it requires a pre-emptive discussion with your late elementary school through high school students. Take these tips from Marisa Nightingale of the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:

• Be proactive. Don’t wait until there is an incident to begin discussion. Raise the issue, even if it is uncomfortable.

• Open up the conversation with questions like: What do you think about sexting? Do you know kids who have done it? What do you think can happen when you have that photo of yourself available electronically?

• Share that once you send a photo of yourself into cyberspace, it never goes away. You are giving up control over yourself and your image (Reader’s Digest, May 2009).

• Discuss character and ethics. Talk to your child about responsibility, not only to themselves, but also to family members, teachers, friends, church members, etc. An action like sexting can affect all these people. Being responsible means taking that into account.

• Talk about consequences. Most young people don’t realize how much trouble they can get into for simply possessing a nude or semi-nude image of a minor. Child pornography legislation was enacted without people considering that one day, 20 percent of teens would be taking pictures of their own bodies and sending them electronically. But the laws are on the books, and sexting often legally constitutes child pornography.

• Address peer pressure. Give them words with which to respond to pressure to engage in sexting or any other behavior with which they are uncomfortable. Nearly half of teens say peer pressure is a factor in why they send sexually explicit messages and images (http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/sextech/PDF/SexTech_Summary.pdf).

• Review your values. Talk about your values about privacy, safety and sexuality. Remind your child of the qualities of healthy relationships. Discuss the intimacy and tenderness that go along with a committed sexual relationship that is developmentally appropriate and consensual. Have a conversation about not only the merits of waiting to have sex, but also the merits of waiting before pushing “send” or “publish.” Discuss the potential difference in perception between sender and receiver. Something sent as a “joke” may be misconstrued as a serious invitation for sexual connection by the recipient.

• Avoid “freaking out.” Chances are, your children know about sexting, even if they have not engaged in it themselves. Your chances of getting your message across are greater if you use the approaches above rather than lecturing or yelling. Stay calm and keep having conversations with your child.

Learn more

Monitor your children and teens online. Aside from having the computer in a general area of the home rather than in bedrooms and using basic parental controls, the following resources are from the Reader’s Digest sexting article by Judy Newman:

Yoursphere.com: a social networking site that restricts membership to kids and teens

Lmk.girlscouts.org: A Girl Scouts site where girls can talk to one another about Internet safety.

Websafety.com: Sells software that can alert you if he or she is sending inappropriate texts or photos.

Safe Eyes: Lets you track instant messaging, monitor social networking sites and impose limits on online minutes. From Internetsafety.com.

Cell Phone Spy Elite: Retrieves deleted text messages from cell phones. Brickhousesecurity.com.