In the middle of a recent dance festival at an area high school, a young girls’ group made a guest appearance. They danced, gyrated, pumped and shimmied to a rap/hip-hop combo of music. Their very sexualized dance performance drew cheers, laughter and cat calls from the audience, while I sat quietly pondering who choreographed such sexual moves and chose such sexual songs for such young girls to perform.
Soon after, I was sent the clip-gone-viral of 8- and 9-year-olds from California performing Beyonce’s “All the Single Ladies” while attired in thigh-high black fishnet stockings, red bikini-like outfits with black ruffles, and hair bows. The video of their performance was removed from several sites after the parents and others received a landslide of negative publicity about the sexual nature of the number. Some of the parents defended the act on “Good Morning America,” claiming it was taken out of context, never meant to be seen by millions of viewers, and that their dress was typical for dance competitions.
Don’t get me wrong: Each of these girls is an extremely talented dancer. However, as evidenced by the pendulum-swing of opinions on the matter, from the parents above to derogatory horror-stricken comments burning up the Internet, one thing is clear. We remain extraordinarily uneducated and confused about sexuality in our culture.
Even if you have clear values and standards, there is no guarantee anyone else around you does. There is no mandatory or standardized sexuality education for youth or adults in our country, our state, or even our community. What one person sees as artistic expression, another views as vulgar, or worse, as an invitation to engage in sexual activity. And as freedom of speech and expression are sacred in our society, so should childhood be. It is up to adults to provide appropriate activities and contexts for our children. Exploiting our children for recognition or fame, especially using sexuality, is dangerous and wrong.
A recent study commissioned by the American Psychological Association included extensive research into many aspects of sexualizing girls and women in our society (www.apa.org/pi/women/programs/girls/report.aspx). Among their findings are that girls develop their identities by looking to older girls and women in their lives and in the media to see what’s appropriate and acceptable. So when little girls or teens watch Miley Cyrus, Beyonce, or even the Chipettes mimicking Beyonce in “Alvin and the Chipmunks: the Squeakquel,” they are absorbing what our culture portrays as successful women.
Of course, what is inappropriate for a 7-year-old might be perfectly acceptable for a 17- or 27-year-old. However, when we impose that 27-year-old behavior on a very young girl, we need to recognize that she does not have the same intellectual, social or emotional skills as a young woman. The results can be devastating.
Sexualization has been linked to the three biggest mental health issues facing women: Eating disorders, low self-esteem and depression. In addition, there is evidence that young adult women’s mental capacity is diminished simply by thinking about their body image in comparison to ideals portrayed in the media. Interestingly, this phenomenon did not occur with young males in the same study.
In 2003, the number of girls 18 and under who underwent surgery for breast implants nearly tripled from the year before. Teens spend literally billions of dollars annually on beauty products. And sexual harassment, which includes sexual jokes, comments, and touching of breasts and buttocks, is on the rise in schools.
All of this makes it more difficult for our young sons and daughters to grow up with a healthy concept of sexuality. This can lead to trouble establishing and maintaining long-term, intimate relationships that are consensual and mutually respectful.
With technology and media everywhere we look, it is impossible and unrealistic for parents to keep all this from their children. Instead, in addition to setting limits, we must become involved in what they are watching and seeing, and ask value-clarifying questions without arguing their answers. According to psychologist and author Dr. Michael Bradley, this will assist our children in developing a belief system to help them navigate through the insanity around sexuality in our culture.
As parents, we are the choreographers and dance partners with our children as they learn about the world, our values, and what they will ultimately believe and act on.
Amy Johnson, MSW, is a personal life and parent coach in Federal Way and co-author of “Parenting by Strengths: A Parent’s Guide for Challenging Situations.” She facilitates faith and sexuality classes for youth, and parenting classes in the Puget Sound area. Contact: comments@diligentjoy.com.
