Peculiar, ain’t it?

That is, how many people start out family life swearing earnestly that they will never do to their children, say to their children, the awful things their own parents did and said to them?

And then they do precisely that, and even worse, over and over to the point of nullifying whatever their offspring may have accomplished in the world, even before they have started out in life.

The outright put downs, or perhaps even more insidious, the insults disguised as humor that psychologically wound the child, bow their backs like crippled beggars laboring under sacks of rocks.

I knew of a father who repeatedly told his son, “You know, you’re just like your old man — everything you touch turns to crap.”

I am certain the old man loved his son, but what did he imagine such a pronouncement would do to the kid’s initiative, his estimation of his own self-worth? He’s doomed before he has even started.

And I know of a mother who nullified instead of praised her daughter’s hard-fought-for accomplishments, including paying for and earning her own college degree, with the simple but ever-after searing, “You’re just an educated idiot.”

In fact, all of her daughters suffered the same treatment. And when they dared to protest, the mother would respond, “Ah, you girls just don’t have a sense of humor.”

Sidebar: It’s not funny if you are the only one laughing.

Why, oh why, do parents do this to the children they profess to love?

All I can think of is a terrible lack of awareness.

It reminds me of the story of the Zen Buddhist Master who snuck up on an aspiring monk practicing awareness and whacked him on the back with a wooden paddle.

The monk protested and asked why his master had done this. To which the master replied: “Well, if you were so aware, why didn’t you notice me sneaking up on you with the paddle?”

Some people overcome the cruelty and accomplish great things.

The great writer Edgar Allen Poe reportedly attributed his depression and black moods to the lack of love he felt from his adopted father.

Winston Churchill’s father was often savagely critical of his son.

Sometimes peculiar stories emerge.

The great actor Laurence Olivier once described his relationship with his father. The father who appeared to care nothing for his son and ignored or put him down, who begrudged him every bite of food he ate, and summed up the cost of every bite of food he boy ate, and then thrust the sum in his face at every meal.

It’s noteworthy because of what happened the night the boy said something to his father about becoming a banker or civil servant, and his cold, distant father snapped at him, “Nonsense, you’re going on the stage!”

That’s when Olivier realized his father had been paying attention, was keenly aware of his son’s gifts.

I believe that most survivors of this unnecessary childhood trauma suffer from its effects for the rest of their lives.

Don’t you hobble your own kids. Be aware of your words, and your actions.

Robert Whale can be reached at robert.whale@auburn-reporter.com.