Q: What do you think of the Performing Arts and Event Center’s inaugural season line up?

A: Mr. Federal Way is much more interested in the Seahawks schedule than what’s on the agenda for what former mayoral candidate Mark Greene dubbed “Ferrell’s Palace.” But since you asked, and Mr. Federal Way is not one to disappoint, I will tell you what I think. It’s packed with a bunch of acts Mr. Federal Way has never heard of. There are a few familiar names, like the Federal Way Symphony and the Harmony Kings. Always prudent and observant, Mr. Federal Way noticed a higher price tag on their tickets since these groups moved their performances to the new digs. The Federal Ways used to be able to drag their offspring to a symphony performance or two (usually during the holidays at the request of their grandmother) and expose them to something other than Minecraft and YouTube with free admission. This option has gone the way of Steve McNey and is no longer available. Rest assured, Mr. Federal Way is not going to pony up $9 each to attempt cultural enrichment of a couple of surly teens unless it is under duress. Then again, most anything Mr. Federal Way does with his obnoxious progeny is under duress these days.

Mrs. Federal Way is excited about the Tacoma City Ballet’s “Nutcracker” performance, so we’ll probably have to attend that, but you won’t catch Mr. Federal Way forking over a couple of crisp Benjamins for the top-notch tickets. Look for us in the cheap seats. Minus the offspring.

Q: What are your favorite things to do in town in the fall?

A. Mr. Federal Way’s favorite thing to do in the fall is send the kids, er scholars, back to school. The lack of potato chip crumbs in the couch and cereal bowls in the sink is a welcome change from the summer months, as well as the cooler temps.

The Federal Ways also enjoy supporting high school sports. Attending a Federal Way Eagles game under the Friday night lights brings Mr. Federal Way right back to his glory days because a wise man once said, “They’ll pass you by … in the wink of a young girl’s eye,” and boy was he right! Although the Federal Ways typically attend only home games, Mr. Federal Way was considering making the trek to Maple Valley to attend the Eagles’ Sept. 1 football game against Tahoma. Mr. Federal Way was hoping to get a look at the new state-of-the-art Tahoma High School funded by ever-prudent former publisher Rudi Alcott’s tax dollars. You know, to make sure Mr. Alcott got his money’s worth. Much to Mr. Federal Way’s dismay, however, this season’s games will not be played on the shiny new turf, but at the old Maxwell Stadium. Bummer.

Q: Where will you be watching the eclipse?

A: None of your business.

This column is produced by Mirror staff. Got a question for Mr. Federal Way? Email mrfederalway@federalwaymirror.com.