Q: Mr. Federal Way, the Federal Way Police Department turned 20 this week. Is that a big deal?

A: No question about it. The Federal Way Police Department is a pup compared to most other police departments, but it’s been a darn good pup for our fair city considering how its officers have handled a screwy, deadly 2016 so far. The guys and gals in blue have been through a lot this year, and they’ve responded with bravery and stiff upper-lips through it all.

On a related note, Mr. Federal Way has a bone to pick: With everything that’s gone on in this city since January, where’s our gripping docudrama covering what’s gone on here?

It writes itself – determined cops as protagonists, murders in a small city, rattled residents demanding justice. Let’s do this. Mr. Federal Way is looking at you, Netflix, if you can tear yourself away from raising long-dead TV shows from their dusty graves to walk the Earth once again (seriously, why didn’t anyone put a stake through the heart of “Fuller House” about three episodes in?).

Anyway, yes, Mr. Federal is happy our brave local cops and their department get to celebrate turning a year shy of legal drinking age. They had a little celebration with a slide show down at City Hall on Thursday, but Mr. Federal Way is kind of thinking that didn’t cut it. Was it supposed to be a celebration or a boring history class no one wants to go to?

Come on, these officers deserve to actually be celebrated. If Mr. Federal Way were mayor for a day – Hizzoner Ferrell can spend the day touring the fish factory site or something – then Mr. Federal Way would shut down 32oth for a bit and give these folks a parade (if traffic there has to be awful anyway, let’s make it awful for a good reason). With the department looking like it’ll hit 160 members, Mr. Federal Way thinks that kind of thanks would help usher the new recruits into the good guys’ department pretty well.

For now, though: Thanks, good guys.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, what’s with renaming the Weyerhaeuser property to “The Greenline?”

A: It’s actually great news, assuming Mr. Federal Way is understanding the name right as the direct line from Federal Way to the Green Lantern. Gotham City has the batphone, our fair city has the Greenline. You laugh, but we could’ve gotten the two-cups-connected-by-a-string to Aquaman that some lesser city like Louisville got.

Mr. Federal Way is pretty sure he has the inside track on how the IRG folks got to “The Greenline” as a name. He’ll set the scene:

It’s the wee hours of the morning on the day of the marketing materials deadline. The marketing department is deadlocked; they can’t figure out what to call this thing. The head marketer, let’s call him Ronnie, says, “OK, this is our last chance. What have we got?”

Silence.

Ronnie goes over to a whiteboard and picks up a green marker. Annoyed at this point, he draws a line down the board and says, “Good ideas on one side, bad on the other. Go.”

More silence.

Finally, the quiet guy in the back of the room who never offers anything during important meetings – let’s call him Cal – raises his hand and says, “Uh, how about Greenline?”

Ronnie smiles, adds the word “The” to it, and claims he came up with the whole idea.

Mr. Federal Way made that up, but he clearly spent more time on that than anyone spent coming up with “The Greenline.”

Q: Mr. Federal Way, do you have any grand plans for Halloween?

A: None of your business.

Got something for Mr. Federal Way? Email your questions, complaints and hate mail to mrfederalway@federalwaymirror.com.